Mark Buehrle Wants Michael Vick Dead

Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle recently told an MLB reporter that, "[Vick] had a great year and a great comeback, but there were times when we watched the game and I know it's bad to say, but there were times when we hope he gets hurt. Everything you've done to these dogs, something bad needs to happen to these guys."
Well... Mike Vick went to jail. I would say that was something bad. Buehrle needs to take off the tennis skirt and calm the fuck down. Vick was just providing a place for dogs to fight to the death, it's not like he was electrocuting or drowning them... I love dogs too, I'm a dog owner. Above is a picture of Michael playing with my dog Lola. Vick is a different guy now. I had him over two weeks ago to potty train Lola. She has not pissed or shit in the house since... she hasn't come out from underneath the bed either, but no messes! Thanks Michael Vick!

Sean McDonough is Back in Baseball!

Sean McDonough (pictured above at last years Mardi Gras) is finally back in baseball and it's about time. McDonough will be steering ESPN's Monday Night Baseball runaway train with the departure of Jon Miller and the insuffurable Joe Morgan. He will be teaming with Rick Sutcliffe and Aaron fucking Boone... Jon Miller made games tolerable while working with a total fucking retard for years, and I have confidence that McDonough will do the same with these two boobs. I would rather wear Shaq's athletic supporter as a face mask than listen to Joe Morgan, Rick Sutcliffe or any Boone.

McDonough may be the greatest blow out game announcer in sports. He's genuinely funny and he's brutally honest, which makes him very entertaining. He is the cornerstone that built the RemDawg empire, inventing the name and cultivating the dare devil persona. I've always thought that of Don Orsillo as McDonough Lite. Good play by play guy but could never fill McDonough's shoes. The story in the Globe mentioned that he was only 48 years old... He was bald as fuck 20 years ago. Must make it difficult as a eligible bachelor... tee hee

KG Refuses to Stop Hitting People in the Nuts

Kevin Garnett insists there in nothing sexual about his frequent cock knocks. Each elbow, hand and knee to the groin is strategic. Is it dirty? Maybe. Would we hate it if he was on another team? Only if he hit a Celtic... I think that shit is funny. I can picture KG doing it in his personal life... The dog starts barking, just kick it in the groin. Valet doesn't have your car? "hey buddy, what's the capital of Thailand? Bangkok bitch!" WHACK! Some duesh is taking a jumper in your face??? Of course you're gonna hit him in the dick.

Vote 10 for KG is a dirty player, vote 1 for KG can punch anyone he wants in the junk

Ray Allen breaks 3-pointer record

Jesus Shuttlesworth breaks Reggie Miller's three point record with Reggie in the building to complete the bitchslap... Post game press conference... Who does Jesus thank first.

a) Wife and kids

b) teammates

c) His almighty father... God

d) Momma

e) Denzel Washington

Safe money is on Wife and kids, then Denzel, teammates, momma and God... bringing up the rear this time. {insert gay priest joke here}

Breaking News: Manny vows to sabotage the Rays this year

Manny Ramirez recently spoke with ESPN Deportes reporter Elian Gonzalez, saying "Yo estaba amamantado hasta la edad de cinco anos. He estado jugando a la pelota desdela edad de tres anos. El Doctor me dijo que necisitaba hormonas femeninas para golpear." Which was loosely translated by myself not too long ago. Manny will be playing DH this year for the Rays and threatened to "strangle anyone who asks him to bring a glove to the park." He went on to say that he looks forward to seeing the Red Sox in Tampa so he can "choke that old man again" in reference to Red Sox traveling Secretary Jack McCormick.

When Gonzalez questioned Manny about his $2 million dollar salary Manny calmly replied, "Mis testiculos han desparecido por completo. Ninguna cantidad de dinero cada vez los traera de vuelta." Which loosely translates to "I plan to strangle to owner before the season is over or perhaps hold his children hostage." New teammate Johnny Damon refused to comment claiming to speak no spanish and very little english.

Look Mom! I'm a blogger!

Mom, you look confused... Not impressed? No? Would you be impressed if I worked for barstool sports?? No? not really? Well I'm glad I won't disappoint you either way...

p.s. special thanks to Bruce Jenner for looking like an ugly old woman

Rocky Marathon on AMC

Went down to Philly and punched the Rocky statue in the nuts to celebrate the occasion. I don't think bronze statues can cry, but if the nut punch didn't hurt then the preceeding racial italian slurs likely left a mark.