A sharp rise in the number of suicides at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp has forced Barack Obama to ban the forced viewing of womens basketball as a coercive interrogation method. A detailed internal study showed that interrogators received little intelligence from detainees during sessions of Womens Nasty Basketball Abuse (WNBA). The study did discover a disturbing trend... WNBA viewings were causing severe depression in effected prisoners. Several depressed prisoners have chosen blindness over death, intentionally gauging their eyes out in order to avoid future WNBA torture. Said Obama, "The WNBA was a failed experiment. It is in our national interest to discontinue the program and move forward as a country."
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